Catching the California Wave

This is not a perfect tribute, but you were not a perfect father.

I hope you found peace in death that seemed to slip over your clenched fists in life. In your absence, you missed Christmases, birthdays, graduations, and the birth of your grandchildren. In your absence, we found peace from the pain you indiscriminately poured over those who tried to love you.

I wish our lives had been different. I wish you had found a way to escape the cycle of abuse that viciously ensnared you as a child, passing it down to the next generation, like others pass down a favorite t-shirt or a coin collection.

You wrapped your life in a coat of deception and cruelty, smothering the golden nugget of warmth still deep inside you.

I hope you found kindness and softness in a world that must have felt like you were not the universe’s chosen child. I hope that the lessons from this life were not lost on you. I hope that somehow, in whatever afterlife is offered to us, and when the pain of this world has faded away, you can take off your coat of pain and allow the beauty within you to bloom. I know it’s still there, even now.

This is not a perfect tribute, but you were not a perfect father.

We sheathed our swords for the final time when the chain of our pain was broken, but the love that remained remained.

Rest in Peace, Jerry.